Parallel Dignity - how schools can respect the rights of all their students

... without telling lies about sex.

‘Inclusion’ is costly for girls

Western Springs College leaders may have been perplexed last month when they received a flurry of complaints about boys being included in girls’ sports competitions. In their eyes, they were simply doing what has become normal practice for a “progressive” school - allowing students to self-identity as the other (or no) sex and insert themselves into a sports category of their choice.

Trying to be empathetic to children with identity issues has led schools like WSC to form ‘inclusivity’ policies that give a green light to the demands of transgender students and leave the other students out in the cold. Little thought has been given to the consequences of this ‘inclusion at all costs’ model which sacrifices science, reality, and the dignity of girls to the beliefs of those who assert that humans can be whichever sex they choose.

What schools should be doing instead is practising ‘Parallel Dignity’* - I respect your dignity and you respect mine - because every student has the same human right to dignity and respect.

What is Parallel Dignity?

Parallel Dignity recognises that all students deserve to be treated with respect but no one is obliged to agree with everything another person believes.

Every school’s student population is diverse, with a variety of family structures, cultures, faiths, and a range of individual abilities and experiences. No single religious, political, or cultural point of view ought to be prioritised over any other in a school setting where attendance is not voluntary.

Under the Bill of Rights Act (BORA), s13, every student has an equal right to hold and express an opinion:

“Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience, religion, and belief, including the right to adopt and hold opinions without interference.”

When a school policy enforces a particular belief, it is breaching the BORA.

Claiming an opposite sex identity is a meaningful and strongly-held belief for the transgender student but the beliefs of other students are just as strongly and meaningfully felt and their freedom of thought and conscience is of no lesser value.

No amount of wishful thinking, nor any school policy, can change the fact that humans cannot change sex and we all remain in the category of our natal sex, for life.

Transgender identities should not be given precedence and be permitted to encroach on the rights of others.

Schools already practice parallel dignity with religion. A school community often has the full range of religious beliefs - from all the major religions, to those with minority beliefs as well as many atheists - and this does not create problems. Students’ beliefs can be held personally without affecting the other students or staff. Special accommodations - such as prayer rooms - can be made without depriving anyone else of something they need.

‘Parallel Dignity’ should be the aspiration when schools develop policies regarding transgender students.

Schools desperately need fair and coherent transgender policies because the idea that children can literally change sex is currently a popular part of youth culture that is impacting on everyone. By embracing the principles of Parallel Dignity, schools can avoid the inevitable community conflict of strongly opposing views and may even save themselves from the risk of litigation.

‘Inclusion’ has got out of hand

‘Inclusion’ has become such a hallowed word that having restricted categories for the benefit of girls is now being called into question. People think that being ‘kind and good’ means that everyone should be included in whichever sex category they fancy.

However, we all understand that if a group, activity, or facility is for 12 year olds, someone of a different age is not eligible to join. If there is a weight or height restriction, people who do not match the criteria will be excluded from that category. Why are sex categories being treated differently?

Inclusion is when all those who fit a category are included, not when everyone is free to join any group, whether they fit the category or not.

Boys do not belong in spaces or categories that were established for the comfort and opportunity of girls. If they don’t wish to use the boys’ facilities, the answer is to provide a third space or an open competition, not to expect girls to give up their rights in favour of boys.

Being rational as well as compassionate

Schools have a duty to uphold scientific fact, otherwise what sort of education are they providing?

Teachers and school leaders need to demonstrate tolerance leavened with critical thinking, otherwise what sort of role models are they?

A compassionate but rational school policy around transgender issues recognises four fundamental truths:

• beliefs are not facts

• affirmation enforces a belief but cannot turn it into a fact

• stereotypes are damaging

• paperwork does not override truth.

Beliefs are not facts

No matter how deeply someone believes they are of the other sex, that does not make it a fact, nor something others are obliged to believe. School policies must be grounded in reality and can acknowledge how a student wishes to be perceived without asserting that they have done the impossible and actually changed sex. (“Alex identifies as a girl and our school policy is that he can use the boys’ or the mixed-sex facilities.” )

Affirmation enforces a belief

When a student is affirmed as being literally of the other sex, the whole school community is negatively affected.

• Students are told an impossibility is true.

• They are told to keep quiet and deny the reality before their eyes.

• Trusted adults ask them to tell lies and keep secrets.

• Language is compelled and accidental transgressions are punished

• Parents are often excluded from decisions about their own children.

Girls in particular are taught that the feelings of boys matter more than their own safety and privacy needs, or fair competition in sports.

Girls learn that dignity is not parallel - there is a hierarchy, with the dignity of girls placed below that of a special group of boys.

Affirmation policies coerce everyone to agree that trans-identified students have changed sex, but asserting that does not make it a fact. Any changes are purely cosmetic because sex - a reproductive category - is, and always will be, innate and immutable. (Gender presentation, on the other hand, is fluid and can be easily changed.)

Stereotypes are harmful

Everyone agrees that stereotypes cause real harm. No school would characterise certain nationalities as stingy with money or less intelligent or that a particular race is innately superior.

So why are some schools happy to use sexist stereotypes to decide who is male or female?

Why do they agree that a child with the stereotyped interests of the opposite sex is not a real version of their own sex and needs to alter their body to fit the stereotype?

Why do so many teachers persist in thinking that transgender beliefs are akin to Gay Rights 2.0, when in reality they are homophobic to the core?

Telling girls and boys that they are not proper members of their sex unless they adopt restrictive sexist stereotypes is the opposite of ‘progressive’. Being proudly in favour of transgender beliefs means being proudly regressive.

Paperwork does not override truth

A tradionally male or female name does not confer male or female status. Nor does having an altered birth certificate mean a person’s physical sex has changed.

Section 79(2) of the Sex self-ID Act (BDMRR) states: Any individual, private sector agency, or public sector agency authorised or required to ascertain an individual’s sex or gender for a particular purpose may take into account either or both of the following: (a) the information containied in a certificate issued under the Act; (b) any other relevant information.

By law, schools do not have to rely solely on birth certificates and are free to ascertain the sex of their students using any other relevant information and to apply their policies accordingly.

In a ruling that would likely be replicated in New Zealand if a similar case was brought to court here, the UK Supreme Court in April 2025 noted the absurdity of treating people differently based on possession of a paper certificate and commented that “It must be possible for sex to be interpreted in a way that is predictable, workable and capable of being consistently understood…”

Parallel dignity in practice

It is not complicated to establish policies of Parallel Dignity. When forming a school policy, simply ask - how would we approach this if the student had a minority religious belief? What accommodations can be made without impacting on the rights and dignity of others?

Parallel Dignity means:

• All students are the sex they were born as. Any student who presents as the opposite sex or non-binary still retains the rights of a person of their natal sex and doesn’t gain new rights, apart from third space accommodations.

• Boys and girls preserve their private spaces and sex- segregated sports. Those who claim a trans identity can use the facilities for their sex or a third space. In sports, they can compete in an open category without robbing others of fair competition.

• All students maintain the right to personal boundaries around touching, undressing, sleeping accommodation and access to single-sex facilities. This applies to boys as well, who also do not want to be undressing in front of the opposite sex.

• Pronouns are not dictated by an individual. Standard English is used by and for everyone, language is not compelled and is not subject to censure.

• Nicknames can be used informally but they do not mean someone has changed sex.

We need to talk about gender identity

If your school has an ‘inclusion at all costs’ policy, was the community given the opportunity for a full conversation about its impacts before it was implemented? Were staff and parents able to vote on the draft policy in a secret ballot?

Download and watch our 12 slide power point “We need to talk about gender identity” and ask for a proper consultation with staff and parents.

To truly gauge community opinion, ensure there is a secret ballot.

Robbing Pauline to pay Paul

When Moslem students fast for Ramadam, the school does not expect all students to fast. When some students say climate change is a hoax, the school does not silence a healthy debate. When someone wears a wizard cape to school, the staff do not say he has acquired magic powers and permit him to do as he pleases.

Similarly, when a student adopts a trans identity, we are not obliged to agree with them or make accommodations that negatively impact on others. The Parallel Dignity way is to acknowledge the student’s belief without acquiescing to their demands when they encroach on others’ freedoms. ‘Inclusion at all costs' sacrifices the rights of girls for the sake of the feelings of a small number of boys.

Transgender feelings are being treated as more important than science, reality, or the dignity of girls.

If your school prioritises the wishes of transgender students, whether you are a teacher or a parent, it’s time to ask the Board of Trustees to stop robbing Pauline to pay Paul.

By Fern Hickson

*Credit to Catherine Karena of Active Watchful Waiting Australia for coining this term.

"Parallel Dignity is the principle that every human being possesses equal and inherent worth, regardless of background, belief, or circumstance. It affirms that rights and recognition must never come at the cost of erasing others. Rather than forcing conformity, parallel dignity calls for respectful, evidence-based accommodations that uphold the distinct needs, esteem, and privacy of all. It provides a framework for resolving conflict by honouring difference without hierarchy — where dignity is not ranked but respected in parallel.”